God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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