We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
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