i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Everything about him screamed your future.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I just want to make out with him forever
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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