Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
