Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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