I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
