You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
