Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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