you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
