She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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