Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
