M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Randomize
