Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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