Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
