I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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