I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
