How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
What a dumb baby whore.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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