"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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