dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
