I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
