Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
