If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
