Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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