screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Can I color on your dick again?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize