god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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