dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
