i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
