I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
