At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
