its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Green mimosas i think yes
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
