ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
