I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
