Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
