I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
