The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
