I just pynch a tree in the face
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
