Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
