I like to think it a success when the cops are called
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
