did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
