It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize