wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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