Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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