If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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