can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
