Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
My ass is underappreciated
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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