So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
