We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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