Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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