your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
