I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
