so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
