Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Randomize
