look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
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