he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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