Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize