Betty ford says i'm here all night
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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