the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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