I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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