Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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