I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
They took my balls.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize