i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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