if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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