I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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