Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
