you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
