Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
The air taste purple.
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