GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
