1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
