God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i barfeds in our rink
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize