My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
