apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
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How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize