i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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