there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
