Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
