3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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