my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
