Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
