Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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