I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
