the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
