I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Randomize
